Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Day 2 - A day for insight

Disclaimer: This is the longest blog entry I've ever written. Sorry...

I survived Day 1 of Weight Watchers [WW from now on]. I'm not going to lie, I was hungry most of the day but I did pretty well regardless. I went over my points a little, but because I am hypoglycemic I think my body is having a harder time adjusting than most. For those of you who are not familiar with WW, you get a set amount of "points" you can consume everyday based on your height and current weight. Each food has a certain number of points based on calories, fat grams and fiber content. Then as you lose weight, the points go down. But you also have "flex" points you can used over the week. So, if you want to eat out, have a "bad day" or if, like me, you have your cousin's 1st birthday party to go to over the weekend and you want a piece of cake! ;)

As my friend Ashley said in an email today, WW really teaches you how you are supposed to eat. Americans in general over-eat, and I am definitely guilty of this. That's what I was so hungry yesterday, and why hunger is starting to creep up on me today. By learning what to "spend your points on", you are really learning what's best for your body. [For example, a lot veggies are 0 points and many fruits are only 1 or 2.]

But, our over-eating conversation led me to an intervention on myself. So here goes: Hi, my name is Rachel and I am an emotional eater. There. I said it. I'm about to do a lot of personal sharing so, if you don't care, skip to the next paragraph. :) Ok- growing up I was never over-weight. I mean, I had a chubby year in 2nd grade but a lot of kids do. Then I started growing like a weed and was skinny until 2004 or 2005. Anyway, I don't remember when food became a "tool" but it happened. I suffer from severe anxiety. [Another admission you may not have wanted to know.] As a child it was crippling. I literally shut down for a few years of my life. The only time I felt calm was at home with my family or on stage. [Weird, I know.] Middle school was one of the worst times of my life, anxiety wise, and I actually stopped eating anywhere but home. I ate one meal a day usually - dinner. I was scary skinny. Border line mal-nourished. [My doctor later said the lack of food those years may have thrown my hypoglycemia into hyper-drive.] Ok, moving on. For those years, I emotionally DIDN'T eat. But once I got a grip on my anxiety, I did a total flip. Suddenly, food was my "tool". My security blanket. In high school it wasn't so bad. I did the normal, "OMG I broke up with my boyfriend, let's eat ice cream and doritos" thing, and every summer I gained a little weight from bored-eating, but I was so active with dance, theater, choir, etc it didn't make a difference. The weight would just fall right off. Well, after high school my life started falling apart at the seams. I'm not going to go into too much detail to protect my loved ones but, my family fell apart, my best friend died, I lost Ryan [got him back though ;)!] and suddenly I was a lost puppy with no direction. So I ate. And ate. And ate. I thought it was making me feel better. I went back into counseling and got a better handle on my emotions, worked hard and lost most of the weight I'd gained. I had those few pounds that would creep on and off and I was curvier than high school but ok with my body. Fast forward to 2006. February of 2006, Ryan came back into my life. Life was good. So we ate. And ate. And ate. I over-eat no matter the emotion. Happy, Sad, Angry, Stressed, Bored. All of them! My biggest struggle will be conquering this. So, I looked in the mirror and said out loud, "I will not eat emotionally." And I plan to do this everytime I start to.

So, as I prepare to eat my carefully planned and measured lunch, I still feel confident that I CAN do this. I CAN lose all this weight. I CAN keep from eating emotionally. I CAN!

To bring this novel of an entry to a close, I want to thank all of my friends, family and my husband for supporting me. I need it. To all you who emailed/Facebooked ideas, encouragement and wisdom my way - Thank you. And a special thanks for Ryan. His diet idea was "Go from a triple to a double and get it without bacon." Cute babe.

I appreciate and love all of you!!! xoxo

3 comments:

Jamie said...

i think it is awesome that you are so open about this rachel. i'm sure you are going to inspire many people! i'm way proud of you. i don't think i could ever have the self-control to do WW. good luck girlie!

Christina said...

Rachel - I'm pulling for you. I think losing weight, the emotions, stresses, etc. are such a journey to overcome. I'm very proud of you for tackling this head on. We're all pulling for you!

About Us said...

Alrighty.... I joined WW too! I had the same monment you did about a week ago... darn mirror. After reading you were making a big change, I realized I can do it too! I look forward to seeing how freakin' wonderful we are! WE can do it! ~Mel :)