Thursday, December 30, 2010

A NEW Year ... A NEW Me

Today, the inevitable happened. I've blogged about it many times before...but never in the state I'm in now. Never in my life have I felt the way I felt tonight, sitting alone in the Kohl's dressing room, silently sobbing. And then...not so silently sobbing.  It's just like all of the sudden, in the florescent lights of that dressing room, I really saw myself for what I ACTUALLY look like...and I could not believe what I was looking at. It was a devastating blow, realizing just how over-weight I've become. The funny thing about this moment...this "moment of reckoning" as my dear friend Mandy calls this moment I realized something else. The handful of times previous to this very moment that I've talked and talked about losing weight...I was never, not a single time, as committed, driven and determined to actually DO IT. And that made me cry even harder.

And as I sit here, still with my tear stained cheeks, I know that...
This Is IT.
For Real.
It's Time. 

It's time to remember what its like to LOVE shopping. To LOVE being in pictures. To LOVE ME.

So, as we welcome in the NEW Year, I am also welcoming in a NEW mindset, a NEW outlook, and hopefully definitely a NEW me.  


1 comment:

levi said...

I apologize to myself for not reading your blog. This is good stuff Rachel, the kind of stuff that makes me sit back and wonder why I have not dad your blogs earlier. You can do it my friend! I am the guru when it comes to motivation. If you need a pair of shoulders to stand on when you forget what your goal looks like I will be here for you.